MANY STILL HAVE PROGRAMMING THAT SAYS I HAVE TO HAVE A
SOCIETY SANCTIONED LICENSE TO MAKE LOVE (MARRIAGE)
The problem here is that every time you get in heat,.........
................. you tend to get
married.
So what we are dealing
with in this series of articles is how do you handle sex outside
of marriage, what your options are and if you decide you want to
have sex outside of marriage then the question becomes,.........
How do I make sex the joy of my life
............. rather than an uncomfortable
hassle?
THERE ARE MANY SCHOOLS OF THOUGHT ABOUT HANDLING SEX OUTSIDE
OF MARRIAGE
Some say sex outside of marriage is a deadly sin.
Others
believe that the main reason they are single is so they
can enjoy a vast sea of sexual orgies. Somewhere
in between seems to be what's happening.
Recent studies by Morton Hunt indicate that approximately 80%
of divorced individuals say they have found satisfactory methods
of handling their sexual needs outside of marriage within one year
after their divorce.
SO FAR WE HAVE ASSUMED YOU HAVE SOME PROSPECTS .....
What we are dealing with here is how do you get from what seems like
mutual interest to actually getting in bed together.
This
sometimes can seem like a million mile trip.
We assumed you have learned how to meet people because
you know you are never going to be able to love someone you have never
met.
Let's say that you do have someone now you have met that you are
interested in.
Your task has been to get them interested
in you.
AFTER YOU HAVE BEEN SINGLE AND OUT DATING FOR AWHILE, YOU
DEVELOP A SIXTH SENSE - A RADAR
OF WHO IS INTERESTED IN YOU AND WHO ISN'T
In the last issue we talked about the three questions you can
use in the meantime to find out if your partner considers you a
potential sexual relationship or not. Let's say that you
both now know that you are at least interested in each other as sexual
prospects but nothing seems to be happening.
Or let's say you are interested but your partner shows little
interest so somehow you want to get from Point A - slight
interest, to
Point B - in
bed together, sharing a mutual enjoyment.
IF IT TAKES TOO LONG OR IS TOO RUSHED, YOUR CHANCES OF EVER GETTING
TOGETHER IN BED ARE VERY POOR
Yes, if you take too long they can mentally drop you from their
prospect list and like an airplane that ran out of gas and landed,
it takes a lot of energy to ever get it flying again.
Waiting too long,
the initial magic has worn off and no physical intimacy between you two has
developed, there is little steam to carry the relationship forward.
Conversely, attempting to rush off to bed when no mental or
physical foreplay interest or anticipation arousal has occurred for at
least one partner, it may wind up as a turn down that may end it for good
or someone might say "I don't know you well enough yet." (This means you
haven't turned me on yet.) As a matter of fact, if it is you who is
worrying whether you are ready for making love with this person, then
you are not ready.......
.............. (When
you're ready, you'll know.)Sometimes you are both
too embarrassed to attempt to arouse interest and desire in one another,
too embarrassed to make the first move.
IT IS MORE FUN TO MAKE LOVE TO PEOPLE YOU KNOW .....
So get on with
getting to know each other. Get to know each other
mentally and physically. If you do not know how to do this, learn how.
REMEMBER NO MATTER WHAT KIND OF DATE IT IS, NOBODY OWES ANYONE
ANYTHING
Nobody needs to feel guilty or under any obligation of any kind.
If you wind up in bed making mad passionate love, it is because it
is...........
.......... something you WANTED to do.
Not something you were pressured into.
MANY NEWLY DIVORCED ARE SEXUAL CRIPPLES - WALKING
WOUNDED
Their sexual psychological scars have not all healed yet and may require
special handling and understanding.
They are often between a
rock and a hard spot.
They may fear nobody any good would ever want
to make love with them and if someone special does want to, then they are
afraid they will fail to please their new partner or somehow be inadequate.
So they want people to convince them that they are desirable
bed material BUT at the same time are afraid to actually get in
bed because then they may be (found out) inadequate in sex as their ex
convinced them they were.
THERE ARE TWO WAYS TO GET THE
"INTEREST IN GOING TO BED TOGETHER" TO EXCEED THE INHIBITIONS
ABOUT HAVING SEX TOGETHER
One way is through physical contact. Obviously, if you can't get within
three feet of them, this is difficult.
Physical contact is relatively
easy normally and it is fun but it is sort of a form of hypnosis and if someone
snaps their fingers at the wrong time their partner may become awake and
struggling and you may have to start all over again.
Physical intimacy has advancing stages of intimacy.........
The crude person might start right out with genital grabbing and
succeed but most of the time if you try this short cut, you will be thrown
right out of the game. So we start from the beginning and proceed
in steps. With advancing stages of physical intimacy either partner
may call a halt at any point if they are not comfortable at this stage with
their partner. You may advance past this stage later after
becoming adjusted to previous stages.
THERE ARE 12 STEPS OF PHYSICAL INTIMACY OR
BODILY CONTACT
It starts with simple handholding and proceeds eventually to #12 -
genital contact. We will not go into the steps here (We have run this in
other articles) but simply note it can take 6 weeks or 6 minutes to get
from No. 1 to No. 12. Arriving at 12 does not automatically put you in bed
together. However, you do need at least some
physical contact stages to gain familiarity.
When you are involved in physical contact, it is essential
that you give your partner physical feedback.
- Getting no
clues thrown back is like playing pingpong by yourself.
When
your partner advances to the next step of physical intimacy if you
do duplicate it or advance to the next step then the whole thing can be
speeded up.
When you get close to going to bed with each other, if
someone unbuttons something for example, then the other unbuttons
something. (This is feedback.)
THE SECOND WAY IS
MENTAL FOREPLAY
Getting mental foreplay going gets a partner and you breathing
heavy with anticipation. The point is reached when the anticipation
exceeds your and their inhibitions about having sex together.
This .........
...........is when you can say,
"Let's go to my place."
One example of this: Let's say you are at a party and are off alone
with someone who seems mutually attracted.
Ask if they would
like to play a little verbal game with you.
The game is entitled
'What I'd do with you if we weren't at this party.
Now if this game goes well and advances well verbally with good
suggestions on both sides, usually you will not be at the party more
than thirty minutes.
You will.......
......
be off together
.......
somewhere else........ doing something else. The crude
person may succeed, once in a while starting out with a sentence,
would you like to go to bed with me?
They also get hit
with a purse a lot !
Learning how to verbally turn on yourself and your partner at the
same time is another whole chapter.
|
EXPERIENCED SINGLES CAN OFTEN BE IN BED
TOGETHER WITHOUT EITHER ONE EVER SAYING ANYTHING .....
It just happens........
you do not start out with this ability normally but it
readily develops. Sometimes sparks fly
and you both know it.
When you obviously can see that your partner
has made the decision to go to bed with you - why waste time?
When you both know it, you just simply put
yourself together at an appropriate place and get with it.
LOVE AND SEX ARE NOT ESSENTIAL .....
Respect, warmth and understanding are.
People are nice
Making love is real keen
Making love with a nice person
is really keen and nice.
I am proud to be a person who
can do keen things with a nice person.
NEXT ISSUE:
Will I do dumb things in bed and turn them off? Will they ever want to go to bed with me
again? click here
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